HOW TO KILL: Funny Articles by Real People

[WARNING: This list contains graphic descriptions of
techniques for killing.] Sometimes when you are
threatened with physical violence, a weapon to defend
yourself with is not always available. Your hands,
however, are always with you, and can be as lethal as
any weapon. Below are a list of attacks that will
almost certainly result in death. Remember, these
techniques should never be used except in a life or
death situation for self-defense.

Techniques 1 – 5
1. TEMPLE – A very susceptibile vital spot. If struck
with sufficient force, may cause unconsciousness or
death.
2. NASION – This is the summit of the nose. If struck
with sufficient force may cause death.
3. PHILTRUM – This is the area between the upper lip
and the bottom of the nose. Attack to this area may
also cause unconsciousness or death.
4. HOOK TO JAW – A powerful hook punch to the front
side of jaw may snap an enemy’s neck. Fatal.
5. ADAM’S APPLE – A sharp blow here may cause
enemy to asphyxiate.

Techniques 6 – 10
6. SMALL OF BACK – A very strong blow to the small
of the back can cause the backbone to break.
7. TESTICLES – The strong, focused pain of a vicious
low blow may cause shock, resulting in death.
8. BASE OF CEREBELLUM – A powerful blow to the
nape of the neck, causing mortal damage.
9. COCCYX – A powerful blow to the tail bone. Fatal.
10. FULL NELSON – Stand behind the enemy, put your
arms under his, and lock your hands behind his head.
Bending the neck forward may either break neck,
asphyxiate enemy, or cut of supply of spinal fluid to
brain, causing brain damage or death.

Techniques 11 – 15
11. HALF NELSON – Again, standing behind enemy, but
one arm is used to pin one of enemy’s arms.
12. BRAIN BUSTER – Bend enemy over towards you,
placing him in a headlock. Grab the back of his belt,
and haul him into the air, vertical, upside-down. Allow
yourself to fall backward, landing on your enemy’s
head, which will absorb your combined weight. Most
effective on concrete or gravel.
13. RUSSIAN OMELET – Cross enemy’s legs. Fold
enemy by pinning his shoulders to ground upside-down
and placing his legs above him. Sit on his legs, folding
the bass of the spine. Fatal.
14. HEART PUNCH – A strongman’s attack, it is simply
a powerful blow to the heart. (Many years ago, the
wrestler Ox killed an opposing wrestler with this
attack.)
15. UPPERCUT – An upward strike to the bottom of the
jaw with the heel of the hand, causing the enemy’s
head to snap backward. May shatter vertabrae. Fatal.
Techniques 16 – 20
16. ABDOMEN – A substantial blow to this area may
rupture a vital organ, causing death.
17. RIB CAGE – A vicious shattering of the rib cage
may cause grave internal bleeding.
18. HEAD-TO-WALL PUNCH – A swift, hard, cold-cock
punch to an enemy’s face while he is standing near a
wall may drive his head into it, causing the back of the
skull to shatter fatally.
19. PINNED DROP KICK – Standing behind enemy,
holding his arms straight back. A drop kick to the back
without releasing arms may severe spine, causing
death.
20. HEAD WRENCH – Grabbing an enemy’s head by the
mouth and the back of the skull, then twisting with a
sudden, violent jerk to rend vertabrae, may easily cause
death.
Techniques 21 – 25
21. CHOKE HOLD – Once a favorite of law enforcement
officials, has often proved deadly. The right arm goes
over the enemy’s right shoulder, and grips the back of
the head. The left arm comes over his left shoulder,
reaches across neck, and grabs own right forearm.
With enough pressure applied, causes brain damage or
death.
22. HEAD YANK – Bend enemy forward, grab head, and
pull back with convincing force. May seperate delicate
vertebrae, causing death.
23. EARS – Coming up from behind an enemy and
cupping the hands in a clapping motion over the
victims ears can kill him immediately. The vibrations
caused from the clapping motion will burst his
eardrums, and cause internal bleeding in the brain.
24. KIDNEYS – A large nerve that branches off to the
spinal cord comes very close to the skin at the kidneys.
A direct blow with the knife edge of your hand can
cause death.
25. EYES – Use your fingers in a V-shape and attack
in gouging motion.

Sherlock Holmes (Movie)